The Saturday Night Monster

The Saturday Night Monster

Late on Saturday nights, the most frightening monster of all enters our home. It drags me to the fridge, seizing my hands and coercing them into into the freezer section. Resistance, as they say, is futile. Before I know it, I’ve succumbed to it’s cruel overtures.

If I were more mindful about the Saturday Night Monster,

Or, if I wanted to be more mindful about the Saturday Night Monster,

Or, if I wanted to mindfully prevent acting on the arrival of the Saturday Night Monster,

I could use the HALT mnemonic to prepare for it’s entry into my life any time at all. HALT is like a big mindfulness billboard: if you’re feeling one of these ways, you’re ripe for the Saturday Night Monster’s attack! In fact, if you’re feeling any of these feelings, you’re ripe for a host of other Monsters you’ll probably end up regretting. So, this is a Public Service Announcement (PSA) to help you, and me, prevent the various Monsters waiting to take us down. If you have any addictive patterns, these are warning signs. All of these form complex stories we tell ourselves about ourselves, others, our worth, and our futures.

1. Hungry - H is for Hungry. On Saturday Nights, even if I’m not terribly hungry, Hungry still seems to be stalking me. Another word for hungry in our little monster prevention PSA is feeling deprived. Whether we are or are not deprived, feeling that way, wanting, is often a trigger for the knock at the door. I am hungry is a story about deprivation, needing, and wanting.
2. Angry - A is for Angry. Anytime I’m angry I’m likely to eat out of frustration. Or, to speak harshly. This doesn’t always lead to the Saturday Night Monster. It is an anytime monster. It can lead to harsh and unintended or unwise words or actions. We have to prove something, to win, to vanquish our foe. This often leads us to become the Monster. Perhaps worse, Angry feelings can trigger the endless whirlwind of mindless storytelling: we can’t stop recounting how we were wronged. It doesn’t matter that it doesn’t help us, that it doesn’t change anything. It’s presence tells us that the story is doing something about it.
3. Lonely - L is for Lonely. If we feel lonely, even if a loud crowd is in the room right next door, we can feel lonely. I’ve known adults who have ended their own lives because they felt a combination of loneliness, shame, or being misunderstood. Of all the things humans want, attachment is perhaps the most primal. Psychologist Harry Harlow conducted experiments on rhesus monkeys. The experiments would never be conducted in these times due to the ethics of separating baby monkeys from their mothers. But the studies highlighted some important features about primates and humans. This is important so I’ll go into a little depth here. In some of Harlow’s experiments, he separated newborn Rhesus monkeys from their mothers (and likely other creatures). He then presented them with two options: a wire mother-looking rhesus and that had a bottle of milk; a soft-cloth mother-looking rhesus without the milk. Despite the possibility of getting milk from the wire mother, the baby rhesus’s overwhelmingly preferred the soft-cloth mother. My point is this: atttachment is a prime directive for living creatures. When we feel lonely, it alters not just psychological functioning but also physiological functioning (how elll the body works). We give up wanting milk if we don’t have soft cloth. When we becoem lonely, we become obsessed with a story of being unloved and alone. This is a trigger for all kinds of monsters hanging around for all hours of the day. If we feel alone we are subject to giving up on social events and any form of connection. It’s no wonder that in 2023 the Surgeon General of the United States wrote Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation. Loneliness, worthlessness, and shame are truly Dark Monsters who can stop us in our tracks. We should be constantly vigilant for their presence (and for their presence in others).
4. Tired - T is for Tired. When we are exhausted, either physically, emotionally, or spiritually (not necessariliy referring to religion), we are far more accessible to Monsters that can offset our goals and willpower. In recent years, some of the science around willpower and discipline has been called into question. However, there can be no doubt that there is a relationship between exhaustion and decision-making. This is clearly evident in many healthcare studies where long hours result poor, dangerous, and/or unethical decisions and actions. When we’re tired, the Monster is hanging out at the door.

What to do with the HALT mnemonic? Here are some steps to use it:

1. Begin a practice of mindfulness. If all you do toward a mindful practice is ask yourself about hunger, Anger, Loneliness, or Tiredness, you’ll be making a BIG mindfulness shift.
2. Prepare responses for each situation if you notice you feel that way. For example, if you notice you’re feeling lonely, reach out to someone you know and love. I have a very dear friend. He regularly sends me short texts: Hey, Mike. Just thinking about you. You doing okay? I’m not as good about it as he is, but I’ll sometimes do the same thing. For my part, each time I go through this, I feel - in my body - a little better and a little more connected. You can do the same thing with all the other Monsterish Feelings.

Here are some additional links about HALT. I was first introduced to this idea at a treasured, subscription only website, Simple and Practical Mental Health. Cleveland Clinic also has publicly available information on HALT.