When Algorithms Go Wrong

My phone’s keyboard consistently turns “and” into “abs” when I swipe-type, an algorithm error that happens dozens of times weekly. Despite how frequently I use “and” versus how rarely anyone types “abs,” the code refuses to learn my patterns.

We operate on similar faulty algorithms. When our partner raises a concern, our mental predictive text instantly jumps to defensiveness, hearing criticism when they’re offering connection. Like my stubborn keyboard, we’ve been programmed by past experiences to misinterpret what’s actually being said.

The difference? Unlike my phone, we can rewrite our own code. Not by fighting the thought, but by interrupting the process—stepping outside, taking three breaths, feeling the sun. The algorithm will run tomorrow, but with each interruption, we teach ourselves that what looks like “abs” might actually be an “and.”