I am not so special

Guru (noun) 1: a personal religious teacher and spiritual guide in Hinduis 2a: a teacher and especially intellectual guide in matters of fundamental concern has been a guru to many young writers b: one who is an acknowledged leader or chief proponent became the guru of the movement c: a person with knowledge or expertise : expert a computer guru

This is a continuing riff on gurus and specialness. Today, I wanted to write about the personal specialness we sometimes attribute to ourselves.

What’s so special about you that you can’t be touched by that sort of grief, said my Chaplain Supervisor?

He referenced my verbatim report of the death of a newborn. Chaplains routinely write verbatim reports. In those reports they explore moments – in most cases, the actual spoken words – of patient, family, or staff visits. We reported circumstances where we were challenged by difficult ministry events. The death of a newborn shook me to my core. In my verbatim I wondered how I could provide any good care to the family if I was caught up in my own grief (we had a son on the way at the time).

We have a lot of chaplains available during the day shift. Can’t you ask for help? Or, are you above that? Do you have some specialness that lifts you above the rest of us?

Psychiatrist Irvin Yalom described our belief in our specialness as one of the most pernicious and prevalent human struggles. He was right. My Supervisor reminded me of both my faulty belief and the perfect course of action: Ask for help. In our efforts to save face or preserve our status by not asking for help, we are driving under the influence of our specialness.

We’re all struggling. No one is above the fray. We all need help one time or another. We all drop the ball.

We are not so special.